There are times when I wonder if wearing your heart on your sleeve is worthwhile. There are times I wish that I could just rip it off so that it keeps sheltered, and unbroken .... but for those I wishes ... I wouldn't change the fact that it's there .. big and on my sleeve! It breaks, it loves, it's full of passion, it's jealous, it's kind and at times unkind, but it's mine .. and today I had another life lesson thrown my way, and another reason why I am glad it's there, wide and open and on my sleeve ... today I saw it through my beautiful daughter's character and spirit. I have passed on something to her, and I know it's me she has learned it through because since her birth, she and I have always had a sensitive kind of connection. I know what she thinks, and I know how she feels without her words ever expressing it .. I know because she is me!
Alexa is 6 ... but a wise 6. She is everthing sensitive and kind, she feels BIG whether she is feeling sad, angry, happy, kind. BIG! BIG BIG BIG! She catches the little things and if they touch her soul, they stick .. and she learns from it.
Tonight she cuddled up with me and we watched the movie Into The Wild.
If you haven't seen this movie I highly recommend it. It's nothing that makes you jump out of your seat. It's not full of action, or a high nab you and you can't walk away kind of movie. It's a story. A great story, and a story that makes you look internally. It's directed by Sean Penn (enough said there), starring Emile Hersch. It's based on a true story about a young college graduate that pretty much says F U to society, and to cash (he actually donates over 24 grand to charity.. his savings) and embarks on a life changing adventure to the Alaskan wilderness. Along his way, he meets some amazing people that enrich his life. Ultimately, the wild changes him, and his life and not all for the good! I don't want to spoil this so I will leave it at that!
Now back to my Lexa. John and I are pretty liberal parents. Meaning, I don't shelter my children from much. We would rather be present and explain and answer questions, than sweeping things under the rug or by them having to learn it from someone else untruthfully. So tonight Alexa asked me all kind of questions about this young mans adventures. She was completely engrossed in the story, and laughed where it was appropriate, and cried where it was due. She just opened her heart to it all. I was so amazed that she is so young but could really feel in the most appropriate manner!
After the movie, she started to cry again, and said "Mommy, do you remember the man when he was so sad? When he was sitting in the middle of the road and crying .. that made me so sad for him" She then began to paraphrase the reason behind it. I then had a heart to heart with my angel, and told her that she was lucky that she could be sad when it was okay to feel sad. That some adults don't even know how to feel like that. I told her because she could feel the sad, that makes her heart big to really appreciate and feel the good too. I told her that her life is going to be so rich because she feels so big.
SHE AMAZES ME. I know some might think .. she is too young to differentiate .. but I say NO WAY! She is a rich rich soul, and it shows in everything she does. her dance, her singing, her play, her arguements .. she is passionate! I see big things in life for my girl .. and yes I am biased as I am her mom .. but she really is going to leave her mark someday .. YOU MARK MY WORDS!